on being in my 30s
there isn't much to say other than it's been a whirlwind, being a 20 something. in the words of chaz bundick, "i thought 29 was an easy one to get through." the things i could write about that song, but, another post for another time. blogging at least gives me structure to stay on topic.
listen. i love when 30 somethings make music. i love when 30 somethings make music and are in the same generation as me. i love when 30 somethings were 30 somethings when i wasn't, but still made music that i'd listen to long after this decade in their lives has come to pass. i love when 30 somethings make music, write, create.
the topic of being in my 30s, i'm feeling it out. it's certainly better than my 20s. the 20s are a formative time, especially the later part. i think about ariana grande's "saturn return interlude," often, in which astrologist diana garland remarks about this pivotal astrological event in one's life:
When we're all born, Saturn's somewhere, and the Saturn cycle takes around about 29 years. That's when we gotta wake up and smell the coffee because if we've just been sort of relying on our cleverness or relying—, you know, just kind of floating along, Saturn comes along and hits you over the head and says, "Wake up!" It's time for you to get real about life and sort out who you really are.
saturn represents discipline, rules, structure, restrictions, limits. whether you subscribe to astrology or not, that's neither here nor there. what is here is that going from 25 to 26 to 27 to 28 to 29 begets introspection with questions like:
- what have i accomplished by now? what is still left to do?
- am i the only one who feels like i've run out of time?
- what do i do now?
- have i been doing enough?
- where do i go from here?
- is it over?
garland even mentions that one's saturn return is:
... sort of an opportunity to go through a kind of upgrade, if you have gotten to a level of awareness within yourself. Or you have the appetite for new learning through building. It's to do with new structures, a new framework.
taking stock and moving forward, leaving behind what no longer serves me. that's what my return meant for me. in terms of astrology, my own saturn return pertained to community and trust. my hardest lessons related to opening up more, and forgoing the paradigm of "alone = lonely." i think admitting i was lonely was the hardest part.
i set forth intending to do so, being more trustworthy, and simply speaking it out loud was the first step. it wasn't easy, and still isn't, but i'm growing into it. the work never ends, but it's necessary work. sometimes i need reminders; that's what friends are for. music, too.
there's an anxiety of, "what mark will i leave on the earth?" in the months leading up to turning 30. i've seen this is some shape or form among my peers, myself included. let me tell you: it's a folly not worth entertaining. it's better to power through the growing pangs than to wallow over something that is very much within your control.
whether you're 30 soon, already 30, or neither, take heed that getting older not as bad as it seems. getting older is a gift. cherish it.