jealousy et al. as a form of communication
people should admit they're jealous more often. the same with envy. and yes, the two often have overlap. there's a shame tied to both when there shouldn't be. it's embarrassing. people get most creative when they're jealous/envious. they'll say anything but "i'm ____" when their words, actions, body language point to just that. and god forbid you suggest that they may be entertaining such thoughts over something or someone. you'll be accused of slander, then.
wouldn't it be so much easier, though, to name this feeling? then it'll make this nefarious creature go away? it could be so simple, but no.
before i get into that, i want to differentiate jealousy and envy.
jealousy: noun. from greek ζῆλο/zêlos ("zeal, jealousy"). being "protective1; zealously guarding; careful in the protection of something (or someone) one has or appreciates, especially one's spouse or lover."
envy: noun or transitive verb. from latin invidia ("envy") and invidere ("to look at with malice"). a "resentful desire2 of something possessed by another or others (but not limited to material possessions)."
jealousy is protective, envy covets.
so you see the overlap, right? right.
it happens to everyone. someone you know gets the job; posts about the bliss of a romantic relationship, old or new; or something i haven't listed yet that you didn't know you wanted until someone else "got to it first." or maybe you have the "something," and it doesn't measure up to the ideal that that feeling, a pearl rolling over muscle fibers, from the spine to the extremities, a cool zip of electricity that leaves a cold trail, followed by a swallow of air that seems like the first time so it feels unnatural, best conceptualized in the form of "wow that's so cool, congrats!" or a swift "like" or "upvote" or "react."
i'm not saying people exist only on the extremes of veiled ____ or genuine felicitations. i think people get jealous in small doses, more often than they want to believe, even if it's not overtly conscious to them. some are good at dispelling that feeling of ____ so it's not even footnote in their reactions. some aren't, and that's okay.
i do find that admitting it out loud--in words, in writing, as long as it's out--is a form of honest communication. could be to your friend, lover, colleague. i think it's an opportunity to grow closer to someone. it opens up a dialogue of, "i feel this way, but i don't like the feeling. this is why." the "feeling" is more often than not an amalgamation of imaginary scenarios that only anxiety can conjure. sometimes the anxiety is malice instead. sometimes it's both.
someone you don't know spends time with your friend or significant other and this someone you do know smiles in a way you haven't seen from the way they smile around you. you wanna protect what's yours. you want to make them smile in the same way. you wish the other person would back off if you will it hard enough with your mind. you want to wear their skin over yours if it meant you could have the smile's origins to yourself and you could make it happen bigger and better.
but then, you catch your reflection somewhere and see the creature leading you by the arm. it's not a nice sight and you know it's not nice. then it washes over you: the new job didn't come without trial and error and patience and a bit of luck with applying en masse, and multiple interview rounds. people are more privy to post happy relationship snippets online, but the happiest relationships don't come without work anyways; the unsavory bits of conflict are what make or break a relationship. you might feel like you're falling behind or not doing enough or being enough so what others are doing makes it seem like you're not doing much at all, but that's not true, and you know that.
talking about ____ can be an opportunity to grow closer to someone, because, more often than not, the scenarios are so silly once said out loud; it makes something once big, small. jealousy is easier to work through. envy might be a bit more tricky, but it's not impossible, either. being honest is that hard part, but it's worth it.