you don't need a résumé of pain to be loved
in my super special valentine's day post, i wanted to share something based off of a conversation i had with a dear friend of mine. i'll nix specifics for anonymity, but i'll get to the profound bits that i think are worth sharing.
so, having a “résumé of pain [and suffering]” as a way to communicate, in the sense of, “look at what i’ve endured. i can handle more if it means i get love!” or even that love is owed because of this--that's bad, actually. i get it. opening up to someone about past traumatic events is a sign of immense trust. you'd want someone you're exposing your heart to, to understand who you are on a deeper level.
however, and perhaps it's a consequence of oversharing being en vogue online, sharing past pain seems to be this conduit into intimacy. and then there's the footnote of endurance; you're not only attuned to suffering, but you're willing to tolerate more if it leads to silver linings of love. (spoiler alert: this can lead to settling for relationships with bad people. not good.)
in the process of showcasing your tenacity, opening up about yourself in this way can create a narrative for others, in that your pain is all of who you are as a person. in reality, your pain, trauma, and so on is just a fraction of your life. you're a person with interests and quirks and all kinds of multitudes. the pain is a speck, even if it feels big sometimes. the right people will prod, though, and see to it that they get to know more of you, because you're not just your pain.
with all of this in mind, i do want to say--stress, even--that whether it's the first time you're sharing the hurt parts of yourself, or not; or whether you're freshly tender or noticing scar tissue after eons, you're not too "broken" for love. and you don't need to prove to anyone that you deserve it. there’s this unspoken competition for love, especially among those wounded… when love is never scarce.
happy valentine's, reader. here's a rose: @}->--